Aya Khalil is the award-winning author of THE ARABIC QUILT and other amazing picture and board books. She shares with us below, her journey to publication, her struggles and her motivation. She has two upcoming picture books – follow her on Instagram @ayakhalilauthor or visit her website.

My debut won tons of awards but I still suffer from imposter syndrome.

I recently logged on to Goodreads to find out there were 700 ratings of my debut book, The Arabic Quilt and wrote about it on Twitter. So when my friend and fellow author Razeena reached out to me to write some more about it on her amazing blog (I’ve been following this blog for years!) I was definitely excited about it.

I queried my debut picture book in 2018, and was getting SO MANY FORM REJECTIONS with barely any feedback. This was also when there was a call for Muslim authors from agents/editors, so I thought the timing was good. One day an editor and an agent gave me really good feedback although they rejected in the end. 

The feedback was very helpful, and with some revisions and the help of critique partners, it was polished up. One day an agent said he loved it but asked for a few revisions. I stayed up until 2 am that night with my best friend because we were out of town and I did the revisions. I love deadlines as a freelance journalist so this made me even more excited to have a deadline.

I was offered representation by my amazing and kind literary agent, Brent Taylor. I was over the moon! One step closer to being published. But weeks went on and we were getting rejections after rejections. A TON OF REJECTIONS! We didn’t really know what else to do. I personally just didn’t think it would sell anymore and said oh well, on to the next. But then one day, a publisher asked if this story was still available! 

This was about seven months or so after being on submission, but I had also subbed to them months before that because they accepted un-agented projects. I absolutely thought they had passed on it as I hadn’t hear for so long. It was summer anyway and I was busy with summer activities with my kids. 

They ended up buying the picture book and found an amazing illustrator for it, Anait.

It was a total dream to see illustrations for the first time and to hold it in my hands once it was published. But of course I had major imposter syndrome especially weeks before publication.

 I told myself that even though this picture book is getting published, I don’t deserve it, I’m a terrible writer, people are going to hate it, it’s going to fail, etc. In fact, I even wrote in my debut group at the time how I felt some major imposter syndrome and the other members reassured me it would be fine. But I didn’t believe them. Then the pandemic hit two weeks after the book launch and I thought, this is it. Despite the book launch being successful and the books were sold out, I thought it’s going to fail. Nobody would want to read a picture book by an immigrant, Muslim, Arab.

I even wrote in my debut group at the time how I felt some major imposter syndrome and the other members reassured me it would be fine. But I didn’t believe them.

Then month after month, I would get e-mails/calls saying it won honors and awards. I thought, OK, this is just being at the right place at the same time (some might call it luck). 

and I was getting emails, FB/twitter/IG messages about how much this picture book resonated with kids/adults, immigrants/children of immigrants/BIPOC kids/bilingual speakers/anyone “different”.

AND THEN I CAME TO FIND OUT IT WAS ON A BANNED LIST AT A SCHOOL DISTRICT IN PHILADELPHIA. I thought this is it! My stories are not important. My imposter syndrome came crashing down again.

THEN, my editor told me that TWO major school districts (one in Pennsylvania, ironically & one in NY) in the U.S. bought tens of thousands of copies for their school CURRICULUM. 

How was that even happening? 

It gets even better hamdulilah. I was given the chance to write another PB for the same publisher. I wondered about what kind of picture book should I write. After brainstorming with other author friends and writing down a few different drafts, I knew I had to write about the book ban and I did. The publisher, Tilbury House, bought it! I even have an author’s note about how it’s based on a true story of my debut getting on a banned book list. 

Despite all the struggles for my debut to get published + a global pandemic + getting put on a banned list, it still did really well (& continues to do so) I am super grateful for that. Having a supportive publisher & agent who believe in you & your work is SO IMPORTANT! And having a supportive network of author friends is absolutely crucial! The amount of WhatsApp messages, texts, messages, phone calls I have with other author friends is outrageous (Yes, Razeena is one of them). 

I know that many BIPOC writers feel like it’s a struggle to query/be on submission, but you need to believe in yourself & your stories first because YOUR STORIES ARE SO SO IMPORTANT and we need them in this world. Imposter syndrome still happens, despite having a few book deals, and publishing is STILL challenging & it still stinks to be on submission and you still get tons of rejections.

Some advice to anyone pursuing a kidlit career:

1- find critique partners who UNDERSTAND you & your culture/experiences, preferably who are also BIPOC and/or allies who won’t give micro-aggression feedback  

2- find writers in similar stage as you whether that’s having a debut out already or querying

3- it’s ok to set a project to the side for a bit and work on other things. 

4- find supportive writing groups and organizations. i have a few favorites: 

Kwelijournal, 12x12Challenge, HighlightsFoundation and a group I co-founded: Kidlitincolor.

A huge thanks to Aya for the time and effort of sharing her story with us! Her latest book is a board book EGYPT published by Barefoot Books. Her next picture book is out just in time for Ramadan. I have already had the chance to read it and it is a MUST-HAVE Eid book – THE NIGHT BEFORE EID, published by Little Brown BYR! Pre-order from your local independent bookstore or here.